1. Tea Party remains silent as the national debt rises under the Republican party. So, what’s new?
2. Barack Obama joins the Republican Party in order to demonstrate an end to partisanship.
3. Jobless numbers rise and Fox News blames it on “Liberals.”
4. Congressional Republicans announce 8th investigation into the birth certificate of President Obama. They insist on a picture of his birth in a hospital in Hawaii.
5. Suicide rate rises along with joblessness.
6. Glenn Beck draws a diagram which leads to his ass in order to confirm who he is.
7. Drones in Afghanistan kill ten thousand “militants” in one day.
8. General Petraeus announces he sees light at the end of the tunnel. He was speaking from Manhattan.
9. American Idol winner turns out to be a transvestite which launches a new version of American Idol–“Guess Who I Am?”
10. Joe Biden resigns as Vice President and joins the Steel Workers Union to get back to who he really is.
11. Sarah Palin denounces President Osama bin Laden. “Well,” she says, “they look and sound alike in their names”
12. Mitt Romney says: ‘I was for state health insurance before I cam out against it.”
13. In a spirit of compromise and ending partisanship, President Obama agrees with Republican “Protect The Wealthy Act” which ends taxes for those earning over $250,000 a year.
14. Rudy Giuliani throws his bank account book into the ring for president announcing, “I once again will save America from terrorism.”
15. New TV series, “CSI In Zimbabwe” which features a cast of witch doctors.
16. Brett Favre says he will return to football with the Oakland Raiders.
17. McDonald’s launches a new 3:00 a.m. menu for the sleepless.
18. New American Idol series–contestants display their penis or breasts–or both.
19. Michelle Obama takes a holiday on the Riveria and wears sneakers to show her concern for the homeless.
20. Fox News hires a female with dark hair.
21. Unemployed man sets self on fire outside White House, Republicans denounce this liberal attempt to insult America.
22. Rush Limbaugh farts on air finally saying something that is intelligent.
23. Tea Party leader commits suicide after reading about the Constitution and discovering Founding Fathers were secret Socialists who wanted a strong central government.
24. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan announces new education reform, all two year olds will take a test and if they fail will be forbidden to walk or talk.
25. Congress passes “10th Deployment Act” which requires ten deployments in Afghanistan if a soldier wants GI benefits.