Things To Do In St. Louis Before You Die

Gaze at the dirty Mississippi River.

Walk the Louis & Clark trail and inhale gas fumes.

Watch old decaying water pipes burst.

Wait for an hour for a bus that never appears.

Never witness people angry at social injustice.

Listen to a lecture on “the government” by an old white haired Tea Party freak.

Listen to a white man and woman living in wealthy Ladue complain about their taxes and “the government.”

Gaze at a country club, but under no conditions try entering one.

Visit the ruins of Pruett-Igo a housing development that was blown up.

Gaze at the dirty Missouri River.

Or for that matter, gaze at any body of water because they all are dirty.

Go to a party and listen to St. Louisians go on for hours about their great days in high school.

Be humble when you meet someone from Washington University– it is the Harvard of the Mid-West.

Always remember that people from St. Louis lack any sense of humor.

Visit a Casino if you want to experience a crowd in St. Louis

Visit the Einstein Bagel shop in Kirkwood on Wednesday morning and see seven white farts pontificating.

Listen carefully to people who speak a variation of the English language.