After listening to the collection of rather interesting men and women who seek the  Republican nomination for president I am left with the only option of throwing my name into the ring.  Let me  list qualifications that would attract the American people.


1.  I know the location of Afghanistan and Iraq on a map of the world.

2.  I put one shoe on at a time.

3.  I am a job creator. I wish to take money from the wealthy and redistribute the money to unemployed people and have them rebuild our infrastructure. That would certainly create jobs.

4.  I am dead set against taxes unless they are on the wealthy so put me down as an anti-tax man.

5.  I believe in God. Of course, the  God I believe in is in the next universe.

6. I am against abortion unless the baby is a Republican, then it is a crap shoot as to whether the child lives.

7. I support the Israel which seeks compromise and peace with Arab people.

8. I  believe terrorists should be sent directly to jail without worrying about a trial and let’s begin with the terrorists on Fox News!

9. When saluting the flag I place my hand over my butt in order to show respect for the assholes in Congress.

10. I stand opposed to immigrants entering our fair land. We must begin to return immigrants to their homeland. Of course, we have a minor problem in rounding up 300,000,000 and sending them back home. But, fair is fair, if one immigrant is sent home so should all immigrants!